Meaningless
by ashehole
Summary: Set in an ambiguous time during Shadow & Bone. For the angst meme on tumblr, prompt: "Don't listen to them. Don't you EVER listen to them."


Alina had known that Zoya was a favorite of the Darklings. Maybe not because he told her - not that he ever owed her any kind of explanation, not for anything. Well, maybe a few things. Like his unwavering confidence in her.

Zoya didn't require explanations.

Zoya was a bitter taste in her mouth. The Darkling never ate with them, but she still somehow found a way to make sure her seat was closest to his table, her green gaze falling on Alina as her lips curled into a smirk.

She had had Mal, and she had the Darkling, too. That was what that smile told Alina.

She frowned even though she didn't want to, staring at her breakfast with a sick feeling in her stomach.

It wasn't as though the Darkling owed her anything, but her heart wished for something different. He was exciting, beautiful, so removed from the others, so like herself.

Not really, she reminded herself in a puff of air as she walked slowly toward Baghra's hut. She'd be late to her lesson, of course, but she didn't care. The bitter old woman could wait on her, and it wouldn't make a difference at all. She'd still teach Alina because the Darkling wanted her to. She'd still teach Alina because she was the Sun Summoner.

The rumors had started almost immediately after Zoya had returned to the Little Palace. As if spread by her herself. Maybe they had been. The Squaller wasn't stupid enough to speak openly of Alina's past, but to put her in her place in another way?

There wasn't anything between Alina and the Darkling, but she was the one person he had been searching for. He had offered her _keftas_ of black and a place at his table that she quickly denied just _so_ people wouldn't confuse their relationship. But now she was torn. Now she wondered if she didn't want more, if she didn't want to be draped in black silks and draped in the Darkling himself, too.

Her nose wrinkled.

No, she shouldn't be thinking about that. He'd given no indication of wanting that, had he?

Her teeth sunk into her lip.

She didn't want to imagine Zoya wrapped around him anymore than she wanted to imagine her with Mal, and yet both images flickered in her mind, over and over again.

Rumors said that it was she who kept the Darkling's bed warm at night, and Alina couldn't blame him for taking Zoya. Beautiful, graceful, petty, terrible Zoya. She wasn't a Sun Summoner, but she was so much more than Alina could ever hope to be.

"If you keep that up with your lip, you'll break the skin," came an all-too familiar silky voice.

Alina practically jumped out of her skin. She hadn't known he was back yet. Her eyes widened as the Darkling appeared before her, as though she had summoned him with her thoughts, with the turmoil in her heart that she wasn't sure she deserved to feel.

"When did you get back?" she managed to ask.

A flicker of amusement passed over his face. He was close. Too close. Personal boundaries seemed to not exist between him and her, as though he was trying to drown her in his presence.

He was doing an incredibly good job of it.

The pad of his thumb brushed over her damaged lip, and she inhaled sharply enough to be heard. "What were you thinking about that you were so determined to hurt yourself?" His tone was light, curious, but there were shadows in his eyes that made her worried.

It gnawed at her gut even as a blush skittered across her cheeks. "Nothing."

She couldn't tell him the things she'd been thinking, been hearing. He didn't owe her. And she didn't have a right to demand.

She dropped her gaze to the ground. "I'm late for my lesson."

His fingers gripped her chin tightly, dragging her face up so that she had nowhere to look but at him. "There's something bothering you."

She gave a brief shake of her head. "No. Yes. I've just had a lot on my mind lately." She tripped over her own tongue, feeling foolish. Feeling young. She was a little girl compared to him, and he must have thought her silly.

Not like Zoya.

He was quiet for a moment, pinning her down. His hand moved from her chin to her shoulder. His grip bit into her skin, grinding her bones together. Not painfully, but she felt it. As if he had to reaffirm himself that she was here.

"Is it the rumors?"

Her lips parted in surprise. She had thought him above listening to rumors. Thought he wouldn't know about them.

Thought he wouldn't care to think about what she thought.

"It's none of my business."

"Don't listen to them," he told her in a harsh whisper. His grip tightened, his slate eyes darkened. "Do you hear me, Alina?"

Alina frowned, pushing at his hand. He wouldn't let her go though, and panic clawed at her insides for a second. He wouldn't hurt her. She hoped he wouldn't hurt her.

"Baghra will be angry if I don't get a move on."

It didn't matter, she wanted to say. She didn't matter, and what he did with Zoya didn't matter. It was funny, though, that he didn't deny the rumors. That he wasn't trying to tell her that there was nothing between him and the other Grisha.

If he didn't deny it, that meant it was true, right? And there was a reason why she was _so intent_ on making sure that Alina was brought down a peg or two.

She wasn't the Darkling's favorite, after all.

He gripped her other shoulder as well now, and even though it was crazy, even though he was keeping her from her lesson, even though it vaguely hurt, there was some sort of comfort in it. She wasn't afraid. Maybe a little. Mostly, she was nervous about his behavior.

"Zoya doesn't matter, Alina. She did not matter before, and in the face of you, she will never matter."

It should have been wrong to feel so elated by such harsh words.

After a moment, she let a faint smile tug at her lips.

His fingers drifted to the sheet of her dark hair, curling into it gently. "Do not ever listen to what she has to say. What any of them will say to hurt you. Promise me."

"I promise," she told him, and he smiled at her. She had done the right thing, the look on his face told her. He was pleased. She could breathe a sigh of relief. "I won't believe what is said about you and Zoya."

"About anything, Alina," he cautioned darkly. "There are many who would try to poison you against me."

She couldn't begin to imagine why.


End file.
